Friday Miscellany: An Open Letter to My Cat

[naomi_jay]

Dear Fergus,

I love you a lot. I really love having you live with me now. Your happy purring warms my heart and your endless piles of ginger hair lend an extra "something" to my wardrobe. You are a lovely old cat.

However, there is an issue I feel we must address.

Midnight is not breakfast time.

2am is not breakfast time.

3.30am is not breakfast time.

4am is not breakfast time.

5am is not breakfast time.

5.05am is not breakfast time.

It's not breakfast time if I get up in the night to use the bathroom.

It's not breakfast time if I roll over in bed.

It's not breakfast time if a cat outside starts yowling.

Breakfast time is 6.45am, after my alarm goes off and before I get in the shower.

There is no second breakfast when I get out of the shower.

I appreciate that you can't tell the time but you should learn from experience. No matter how many times you wake me up in the night by sitting on my head and drooling on the pillow, it will not bring breakfast time forward.

Love,
Naomi

Comments

[nathreee.livejournal.com]

This is why Bimfoodle is not allowed in the bedroom.

Also, no cat hair in my bed.

[naomi-jay.livejournal.com]

Fergus has gone from being a cat who never wanted to be inside (with my parents) to a cat who never wants to go outside. We're going to start putting him out when we go to bed regardless of whether he likes it or not, because I desperately need an uninterrupted night's sleep!

[acidamoeba.livejournal.com]

My two have taken to sleeping on my chest at night, so they don't so much meow at me to feed them, but I do end up with a mosaic of little claw marks where they've bedded down on me, or got excited at any movement I make.

Mind you, according to them, every time is feeding time...

[naomi-jay.livejournal.com]

Yep. Fergus's internal clock is permanently set to "Food." I only have to look at the kitchen for him to decide he's starving to death omg why I don't I feed him right now?

[mikodragonfly.livejournal.com]

The baleful stare suggests that kitty doesn't appreciate the lecture...

[naomi-jay.livejournal.com]

Cats never appreciate anything!

[intothenyght.livejournal.com]

I have two cats, so this used to be the story of my life until I finally got a one bedroom apartment with a door...now they're locked out! :P

[naomi-jay.livejournal.com]

Lol, I think the noise Fergus would make if I locked him out would be worse than the noise he makes now...

[intothenyght.livejournal.com]

I thought the same would happen, but they've actually been quite good. I just make sure their food bowl is full before I go to bed. :)

[brit-columbia.livejournal.com]

I've had this exact same conversation with my cat, too. He's trying to train me to get to of bed whenever he feels bored. I always make sure he has food in his dish before I go to bed, but he starts the nagging process fairly early in the morning. Recently, I have begun training him right back. When he nags me out of bed, I open the kitchen door and push him out into the frosty morning. (He's an indoor/outdoor cat and the world is his bathroom)

The only trouble is, as soon as I return to bed, I start worrying about him, especially if it's cold or raining. Then I can't go back to sleep! But I figure that if I keep kicking him out into the cold in response to his waking me up, he'll eventually make the connection.

[naomi-jay.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah, I feel incredibly guilty if I kick him out, and then sit around worrying he'll run away or get lost or hurt! I can't win!

They eat earlier and earlier - if you fall for it...

[mardelwanda.livejournal.com]

I laughed so hard while reading this. My cats had my husband wrapped around their little kitty-claws. It started out innocently enough - 6a.m. for breakfast, and slowly got earlier and earlier, until one day I noticed I hadn't even gone to bed yet, and my husband seemed to be half asleep feeding the cats! They were training him. He was falling for it.

I think he still gets up in the middle of the night to feed the cat we have left, because sometimes I see him leave the bedroom, hear him rummage around in the kitchen and minutes later comes back to bed. Somebody is eating - actually, it could be both the hubby and the cat. LOL

Re: They eat earlier and earlier - if you fall for it...

[naomi-jay.livejournal.com]

The old saying is true - dogs have owners, cats have staff!