How To Spot A Werewolf

[naomi_jay]

First up, some pimping: My short story, Unusual Appetites is now online at Lost Souls ezine. I promise you, it's highly relevant ^-^

And now, onto the serious stuff. If you’re not interested in becoming a werewolf, you might want to note how to spot one. After all, you never know what sort of people are out there…

Most contemporary images of werewolves come from Hollywood. Films like The Wolfman and Curse of the Wolfman depict hairy, fanged, wolflike beings, incapable of rational thought. They are rarely shown as actual wolves and walk upright rather than on all fours. This is a direct contradiction to ancient traditions, in which the werewolf is difficult, if not impossible, to distinguish from a true wolf.

If you suspect a neighbour or a loved one of being a werewolf, you might want to check for the telltale signs, as listed by seventh century physician Paulos Agina:

· Pale skin
· Weak vision (I have weak vision!)
· An absence of tears or saliva
· Excessive thirst (okay, I actually have that one too.)
· Ulcers and abrasions on the arms and legs, caused by walking on all fours
· An obsession with wandering in cemeteries at night*
· Howling until dawn**

Tradition also recommends checking the palms of the suspected werewolf. If they’re covered with coarse, stiff hair, get the silver bullets ready. Overly long index fingers and eyebrows that meet in the centre of the forehead are also giveaways.

*This also applies to Goths, so be careful before you shoot anyone.

**This also applies to regular wolves and dogs, so again, easy on the trigger.

Comments

[rhonawestbrook.livejournal.com]

LOL....I'll try to be careful!

[naomi-jay.livejournal.com]

I recommend avoiding people with extra long toes too. Apparently that's a sure sign.

[six-old-cars.livejournal.com]

Isn't that a sign of being a weremonkey?

[naomi-jay.livejournal.com]

If they have a prehensile tail too...

[dracschick.livejournal.com]

Congrats on the short story!

[naomi-jay.livejournal.com]

Thanks! To be honest, I'd completely forgotten I'd submitted it anywhere.

[chaostheory.livejournal.com]

Weredolphins!

[naomi-jay.livejournal.com]

And tar-sharks!

[chaostheory.livejournal.com]

AB will probably fuck them in the next book, lol.

[naomi-jay.livejournal.com]

Only if it's necessary to save the world/one of her boyfriends.

[chaostheory.livejournal.com]

Ah yeah, she cant actually want to have sex, that would make her a slut.

[naomi-jay.livejournal.com]

And be logical.

[i-am-toast.livejournal.com]

I'm checklisted for most bar the slobber. So, I'd like to emphatically state that I produce saliva. Just, y'know, in case...

[naomi-jay.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I check for most of the symptoms too. Still, better a werewolf than a vampire, I reckon.

[chaostheory.livejournal.com]

Just a thought...... Does having weak vision also apply to their human form, cause I'm thinking Christian in a pair of sexy thin glasses, pretending to read a book.

[chaostheory.livejournal.com]

OR! pretending not to need glasses.

"Christian, did you put oregano in this apple pie?"

"Ah, the cinnemon must be next to it then!" <3

[naomi-jay.livejournal.com]

Lol, pretending to read a book. Like Peter Griffin pretending to be educated. "Scarlett, I find this soup to be shallow and pedantic. Mmmyes."

[chaostheory.livejournal.com]

"What have I told you about reading "word of the day" calenders!" *shakes fist*

[naomi-jay.livejournal.com]

I had to explain the word "ostensibly" to a lawyer last week. A lawyer!

[chaostheory.livejournal.com]

Daddies money can get you far in life.

[naomi-jay.livejournal.com]

Especially when you're a total twat. *coughpaulbrowncough*

[chaostheory.livejournal.com]

Hahahaha!

Oh well, just think about the stuffed animals! Sawdust FTW!

[naomi-jay.livejournal.com]

I've been looking up taxidermy books on Amazon. There are surprisingly few...

[chaostheory.livejournal.com]

I guess its very specialist. Not really the home hobbie type of activity.

PS - I've been reading some of the other stories on lost souls and I have to say, the submission bar must be pretty low, no offence on you.

[naomi-jay.livejournal.com]

I haven't read any of the others - past experience has taught me the grammar and punctuation will make me want to kill people.

I think they go for quantity over quality.

[chaostheory.livejournal.com]

I don't think so. One entry was 3 lines long!

[naomi-jay.livejournal.com]

Well, it makes me feel better about my writing, lol

[chaostheory.livejournal.com]

I'm so bored on this computer (Brothers). I have no fevourites and no writing.

I'm a sad panda who's writig by hand for the nex week or so.

[naomi-jay.livejournal.com]

At least you're writing! It could be worse. You could be at work daydreaming about murdering the pretentious twat across the room whilst simultaneously wondering how much of the last portion of Fire and Moonlight you need to change in order to make the new ending work.

[chaostheory.livejournal.com]

"Explosions fix everything!" - Excel Excel (Excel Saga)

Time to leave the internets. *sob*

[naomi-jay.livejournal.com]

Fare thee well! I'm off to consider explosions in and out of the workplace.