The Human Centipede 2 - the synopsis!

[naomi_jay]

Yeah, I was excited. So what? Ragging on the original film has become my second favourite hobby (after collecting pictures of Cthulhu) and the thought of a whole new awful film to rag on fills me with gooey chocolate joy. So!

“Martin is a mentally disturbed loner who lives with his nagging mother in a bleak London housing project, where loud neighbors and cramped living conditions threaten to plunge this victim of sexual and psychological abuse over the edge.

Of course. I bet he lives in the basement too. And of course he's sexually and psychologically abused, probably by his nagging mother, because why bother with character development when you can just take the rape shortcut? Oh, this is Martin, by the way:

Because obviously for the film to work he also has to be physically unattractive and weird-looking. Because all men who live with their nagging abusive mothers would naturally be unattractive and weird-looking. Attractive men get to live with girls.

He works the night shift as a security guard in an underground parking garage, where customers and their vehicles come and go as he indulges his obsession with THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE (FIRST SEQUENCE) watching the film over and over on the small TV set in his office

This shit got meta! I had a housemate at uni who did that with the Exorcist. She liked the crucifix masturbation scene best. To my knowledge she has not become a psychopath or decide to re-enact tbe scene ever.

and meticulously examining the scrapbook he has lovingly filled with memorabilia from the film, including the mouth-to-anus surgery instructions made famous by Dr. Heiter, the mad scientist from Martin’s favorite movie.

There's memorabilia? I think Tom Six may have misinterpreted the attention his first film received. I mean, this is a bit of a glimpse into Six's personal wank bank, right? Someone gets so obsessed with his film he decides to re-create it in real life. That's ... That's not something aim for, Tom. Also, they weren't instructions. They were pictures. Crappy pictures. Observe:

These are not surgical instructions. Also, I feel like the first red arrow needs the caption "food goes in here."

Pushed to the brink by his harridan mother, haunted by the teasing voices of his abusive and incarcerated father,

Voices?

Oh, his dad abused him? So his mother's just a harridan. Maybe she tells him to get a proper job and find a girlfriend and move out of her fucking basement because he's a grown man now.

I don't think Tom Six has met any women. Based on the first film he thinks we're all hysterical shrieking idiots, and based on this synopsis we turn into nagging harridans. Whereas men are either abusive or... Well, that's it, apparently.

Martin sets into motion his plan to emulate Heiter’s centipede by creating his own version, in a rented warehouse, which he begins to fill with victims, including a loud neighbor,

I have loud neighbours. I have to admit, I've never considered making them into a human centipede, but I don't have a warehouse or a set of instructions. Maybe I'm just not committed enough. And if Martin really was a fan of the first film, he'd know that people don't stop being loud once you sew their mouths to someone else's anus. That damn 'pede kept Dr Heiter up all night.

two drunk nightclubbers,

I guess I'd want to be drunk too. Also if you drink, you deserve to get kidnapped by a maniac, right?

a prostitute

Because that's the other career option for women.

and a lecherous john, and several more …

That we couldn't be bothered to characterise.

including Martin’s pièce de résistance, one of the actresses from THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE (FIRST SEQUENCE).

I'm sure this is supposed to be a clever twist, but I'm thinking actually the actress has since become unemployable because every time she goes to an audition someone says "didn't you act getting your mouth shat in by a Japanese guy? And didn't you do it badly?" So she's had no choice but to be in another Tom Six film. I feel bad for her.

Except that Martin lacks the surgical skill, medical instruments and operating theater necessary to create a larger centipede in the image of Dr. Heiter’s masterpiece.

A flaw in his otherwise flawless plan! 

So he makes use of materials at hand: duct tape, staple gun, household tools and a fanboy moxie.

I guess Dr Heiter's brilliant surgical instructions weren't quite detailed enough. Doing surgery with staples and duct tape is never going to end successfully.

What follows is one of the most harrowing and terrifying films ever conceived, featuring a central character that makes FIRST SEQUENCE’s Dr. Heiter seem downright cuddly in comparison. THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE (FINAL SEQUENCE) is a triumph in biological horror by one of the new masters of the horror film.”

I think that final sentence is debatable. For one thing, The Human Centipede is a terrible film, terribly written and terribly acted, and it's only redeeming characteristic is that it's great to make fun of. For another, I think you probably need to make more than one (successful) film before you can be declared a master of the genre. And again, this just sounds like Tom Six's wank bank fodder to me. Which is fine, you know, whatever, but don't tell me it's a triumph. I don't believe you. Any film that involves people shitting in each other's mouths is not triumphant by any definition of the word.

Beloved 3-Hund must be turning in his grave.

Comments

[naomi-jay.livejournal.com]

what makes him think staples and duct tape will be better for twelve people.

I'm guessing, based on the picture, Martin doesn't think things through.

Yeah, Kyle and I were discussing this and we're like, "if there's no baby rape, it's not a horror film any more." I think we're gonna load up on booze and watch it with some strong-hearted friends in a couple of weeks.

[dwg.livejournal.com]

At the very least, you can talk about how Doctor Heiter and Beloved 3-Hund would not stand for these shenanigans. I still desperately want the Michael Bay version of all this with Beloved 3-Hund in slow mo running from an explosion and Doctor Heiter on a cliff as he stares into the middle-distance.