Fated to Mate

[naomi_jay]

 

NB: This was supposed to be one short post, but it’s turned into an epic rant, so I’m breaking it up. More to come.

 

I read Jacquelyn Frank’s Jacob over the weekend (a book I absolutely loved, I should add), the first in her paranormal romance series, The Nightwalkers. The love story saw Demon Enforcer Jacob entering a forbidden relationship with human Isabella. I think it’s safe to say that such cross-species romances are old hat in paranormal romance, with the powerful alpha male vampire/werewolf/demon/elf/squid/whatever claiming his less-powerful mate in a flurry of passion and angst.

 

The single element I disliked about Jacob is an element that’s just as common in paranormal romance: the “fated to mate” idea. Soulmates, bondmates, breedmates, call them what you will, they’re everywhere. And it kind of annoys me. It reduces the romantic tension in the story if Incontrovertible Destiny says that Alpha Male X is absolutely going to be with Female Z. Characters fall into instant lust, which transmutes into True Love in a matter of days. There are no barriers to their relationship – no arguments over whether they both want kids, or whether Alpha Male X should really go around beheading other vampire/werewolf/demon/elf/squid/whatever for their forbidden relationships. The conflicts they face are always external, never internal.

 

In Jacob, for example, the only real obstacle to Jacob and Isabella coming together is the fact that she’s human, and Demons are forbidden to mate with humans. This is ancient, deeply entrenched law in Demon society. And yet nobody bats an eyelid when Jacob brings home his human. Sure, a few people mutter that maybe it’s not a great idea, but nobody really opposes them. And once Demon King Noah has decided that Destiny has brought Isabella to Jacob, then even that obstacle is removed. This leaves purely external threats against them, as necromancers seek to enslave Jacob and kill Isabella. It’s dramatic and it’s great reading, but we all know they’re going to fail. Destiny says so.

 

Part of this is, I think, a matter of practicality. Paranormal romances tend to be stand-alone novels within wider universes. We have a rotating cast of characters, all of whom are waiting for “their story” to be told. So the romances need to be wrapped up by the end of their book. Equally, the Happily Ever After ending is in itself a massive part of the romance genre’s appeal. We want to see people happily in love. I wanted to see Jacob and Isabella happily in love. I just felt like they should have had to work for it. But because they were fated to mate, there was never any option beyond Instant Lust/True Love.

 

The Instant Lust factor is a big part of the fated to mate concept. Characters who have been physically isolated, celibate and introspective immediately become warm, passionate and sexually active once they’ve met their destined partner. Isabella lived a relatively solitary life before meeting Jacob; she has a sister she’s close to, but no friends. She has a job she enjoys, but it keeps her isolated from other people. She lives for her work. She’s a virgin.

 

Once she meets Jacob, she’s instantly in lust, sexually aware and prepared to abandon her old life to be with him despite knowing nothing about him. It’s as if she didn’t really exist before meeting him. Indeed, she even says something to that effect – that her whole life was simply preparation for being with Jacob.

 

Personally I find that a little depressing, like you can’t be happy and fulfilled unless you’re in love, and even then only True Love will do it. It’s one of the reasons I never got past the first book in the Black Dagger Brotherhood series. Beth Dark Lover was an object to be claimed by Wrath, not a woman to be valued. And it happens in a lot of romances. The women can offer nothing except their wombs, and prior to meeting their destined mate, they don’t want to offer those to anyone. They’re cynical, or disinterested in love and sex. Only by consuming their relationships with their fated mate are they brought to life.

 

I don’t think this says much for women, personally. Especially as the women, no matter how feisty and strong they are or become, generally end the novel pregnant and under the protection of half a dozen vampire/werewolf/demon/elf/squid/whatever. And again, I know this is part of the fantasy. The idea of the One True Love has universal appeal for good reason. But sometimes, for me, it just doesn’t work.

 

Thoughts? Am I’m being too harsh? Bearing in mind that this is a genre I love, am I reading too much into all this?

Comments

[chaostheory.livejournal.com]

I totally agree (but you knew that was coming).

Firstly I dont agree with destiny. The fact that if youre destined for great things, you can just end up sat at home all your life and wait for something to happen. I like to think I have a choice in the matter of my life.

Secondly, I also dont believe that one true love exists. Or destined partners or whatever. I mean, take my parents. The divorced almost 17 years ago and are both now in long lasting relationships (16 years for dad, 14 for mum) So does that mean that thier current partners are their destined partners, cause theyre long lasting? That their relationship together wasn't special?

Where does that leave me and Dave? Am I to believe I was born to a none magical loving relationship? So I wasn't concieved in ture love? I dont like the thought of that.

Also, remember women are only strong when they have a man. They cant possibly stand up for themselves OR BE INDERPENDANT! God the lesbians must be screwed then.

[naomi-jay.livejournal.com]

There are no lesbians in PR/UF.

Oh wait, I lie. There was one in the Anita Blake series, a lesbian werewolf, in fact, but apparently in the most recent book she'd turned straight.

This was put down to an editing error.

[chaostheory.livejournal.com]

Grrr....

"Oh hay I'm a powerful hunter/witch/half deaon with a ballsie attitrde and am strong and inderpen- OH LOOK A MAN! I MUST OPEN MY LEGS AND RELY ON HIM FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. HOW DO I DO MAJICS? THE PREGNANCY HAS GONE TO MY BRAIN!"

[marumae.livejournal.com]

Well to begin with I totally agree, I'd buy the 'destined mate' if it was presented with the idea that sure, there's one person/werewolf/vampire/faery/elf/squid<-----(this will never stop being funny by the way XDDD)/whatever that they're SUPPOSED to be with but that it's not Guarantee that they will. Meaning there's a real, a very real chance they could end up going different directions, either willingly or unwillingly. That means that like any real relationship they'll have to put effort into it to make it work.

But when there's that assurance that they will end up together simply to serve as an extra guide line for the reader in the plot (you know that extra assurance that oh yes this will be happily ever after 8D) then the story looses it's suspense.

I also totally agree in that I don't like the idea that one is not entirely happy unless they're in love or they're not fulfilled unless they've found love. Sure being in love can be wonderful or it can really suck, I'd like to think that the character I'm following has more to them then to simply be a support beam/magic penis/healing vagina/womb of destiny/seed spiller of GLORIOUS DESTINY to their love interest.

[madlee276.livejournal.com]

I've never found the destiny factor very compelling either, and you've just made me realise why. It's too simple and unreal, and IMO it's one of the things that gives romance is (mostly undeserved) bad name.

It also has the potential to get very creepy. I've read more than one paranormal where the virgin heroine's first time with the 'hero' is nothing less than rape - it's the female objectification thing gone insane. I remember one too in which a hero meets a woman who's pregnant with his future lifemate. He performs some magical ritual on her bump in order to bind the foetus to him for life. She was unborn, for pity's sake.

The worst thing is that the books I've mentioned were phenomenal bestsellers. Readers lap this up. I read a post on the NaNoWriMo forum today in a thread titled 'What don't you like in a romance' or somesuch in which a couple of people said they DON'T like independent heroines. Guh.

(I've been chewing on this 'cause in my novel, my pair of lovers aren't destined to be together. I wouldn't say they're 'made for each other' in any sense, but I'm building the story up around the idea that they're fabulous together, anyway. I'm having loads of fun exploring the reasons why people just click and fall in love that have nothing to do with destiny. It's not a paranormal at present but that may change...)

[dracschick.livejournal.com]

I dunno. I believe in soulmates:)

[leatherzebra.livejournal.com]

You are not alone. Not only do I see this a bunch in fiction, I know people like this in life who are constantly going from one "true love" to another. This is of course, looks to me like an opportunity. This is my muse presenting itself to me. Why do people think like that. To an outside it looks like a rather heavy sexual history, a lot of denial about bad sides of relationships and honestly, stupidity. I see the horrible things it does to people in real life so I am not buying it in fiction. Especially the "she never loved anyone before him" and the problems you pointed out with this. That just isn't how it happens. And IMO "fated" equals "trapped". As hard as it is to think of losing someone you love deeply, people change. And being chained to someone when it is not voluntary is not good.

This is one of the big problems I have with romance. I cannot find this romantic at all because when it happens I see the faces of everyone I now in real life with five handfastings or a string of endless lovers where the romance ended badly and before the break up was even over they were in love with someone else again.

So, yanno, I just won't write stories like that. Even my happily ever afters are really just "happy for nows". No soulmates, not perfect mates, no meant to bes.

[naomi-jay.livejournal.com]

I'd like to think that the character I'm following has more to them then to simply be a support beam/magic penis/healing vagina/womb of destiny/seed spiller of GLORIOUS DESTINY to their love interest.

Exactly! Like I say, it's like these characters didn't exist before they met their destined mate. They weren't proper human beings before True Love rescued them.

[naomi-jay.livejournal.com]

I remember one too in which a hero meets a woman who's pregnant with his future lifemate. He performs some magical ritual on her bump in order to bind the foetus to him for life.

EEEEEEWWWWWW.

Can't wait to hear about your book ^-^

[naomi-jay.livejournal.com]

I like the idea of soulmates, but I also don't think there's anything wrong with people just naturally falling in love, as opposed to the whole "we MUST be together!" angle.

And thing maybe soulmates isn't quite the same as the fated to mate idea. Soulmate to me implies a connection and chemistry, but not necessarily true, everlasting one-and-only love. I believe I've met my soulmate and she's not my significant other, but she will always be a crucial part of my life.

[naomi-jay.livejournal.com]

I think you've hit it - biologically human beings can fall in love over and over again. It's part of our species' survival instinct. I'm not saying romantic novels should be all about biological fact, but it does alter the definition of "love."

[ex-lark-asc.livejournal.com]

No, I don't think you are being too harsh, I think a lot of romance is rooted in some very heteronormative and old-fashioned social mores. That's probably because relationships are constrained and informed by our society to an enormous extent; it's the society we live in that gives us the structure relationships function in and are judged by. For example, in the UK we choose our own partners and marry for love, whereas in rural India it's common for your parents to choose you a spouse; and both of those cultures treat someone who does the other thing with immense suspicion.

cupidsbow wrote a wonderful article (http://cupidsbow.livejournal.com/229895.html#cutid1) (warning: contains fanfic) some time ago in which she mentions having suddenly realised that certain classes of romance are basically coded BDSM stories; and it was indeed the ones where there's a terribly alpha male dominating the story (as well as the heroine). I think there may be a streak of that in paranormal romances, based on what you're saying above; they're not a genre I read much of myself, though, so I may be wrong!

As for the fate thing, yeah, it's hard to plot a book around that, really. I can't imagine how you'd do it without plunging into the "instant perfection" pitfall unless your definition of fate was very subtle and involved a lot of chance and coincidence. I'm reminded to some extent of Robin Hobb's Assassin/Liveships/Tawny Man series(es), in which the protagonist is essentially fated to do certain things, but they invariably happen as a natural consequence of his innate crossgrained stubbornness and slightly peculiar personal circumstances, not through some mystical happening or other deus ex machina.

[summersdream.livejournal.com]

I've only ever read one series where the 'destined to mate' thing didn't bug the hell out of me. That one series was LJ Smith's Night World. And I was 13. But I've reread it since then, and while I realize there were faults in the books (for a disturbingly long time they held a near-holy place in my imaginationspace), the soulmate principle in them still doesn't drive me insane. Unlike, say, any of those similar set-ups done by Sherrilyn Kenyan/Kinley McGregor and co.

In Night World, soulmates were random. Each character in a soulmate pair was drawn to fit and compliment the other. It's entirely canon that two soulmates could be best friends their entire life and not realize the fact that they were destined. And there was probably going to be an instance of someone having two soulmates (but we'll never know since the series was never finisthed). You didn't get the cut-and-dried Alpha Male hearts Modern Female.

I think the difference is that Night World was teen-targeted, and there was always a clear balance of power. The girls did not bow and turn subservient, didn't end up pregnant or giving up everything for the One True Love. One soulmate pair ended up separated so that he could make up karmically for being a bastard/prove he was changed. I want to see that in one of these paranormal vampire-with-a-dark-past series. Even the token NW book where ageless-vampire-lord-waits-for-his-soulmate, the Ancient Vampire type didn't pull the Ancient Alpha Male thing. He had learned communications skills over the millennia. How do these vampire guys go millennia without learning how to talk to people? Especially women??

I'm with you on hating that the "feisty" heroines of all the fragging paranormal romances end up pregnant and docilely accepting the protection. Just once I want a heroine who -uses- that protection to an end, or ditches the overbearing Alpha Idiot for the cool best friend. I want a heroine who is selfish, who knows that she exists beyond the relationship and will pwn anyone who suggests love is the meaning of her life.

btw- have you run across the new breed of nominally bisexual modern heroines? They have dated girls only because they hadn't found Mr Alpha yet, of course! *headdesk*

... wait. Did I just read "Demon King Noah"? The Demon King is named Noah? ... please tell me that's a typo?

Sorry this got way long. It's just nice to think about things that are not Issues in Internet Advertising.

[naomi-jay.livejournal.com]

That sounds like such a cooler way of doing it. Why are adult-targeted romances so determined that we all long for babies and bare feet?

And yup, the demon king is called Noah. Demons take their common names from the Bible ohtheironyhaha. They also have power names, which can be used to summon them and make them do dastardly deeds.