naomi_jay: (wolves in snow)
Dirty Little Whirlwind ([personal profile] naomi_jay) wrote2010-05-28 09:38 am
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The Boleyns would make awesome werewolves

Which is why I'm giving some serious thought to writing a Tudor werewolf novel. I mean, I've thought about it before, but when [livejournal.com profile] madlee276  was down here recently, we watched season two of the Tudors, and that has me thinking about it more seriously. Like how I'd actually do it. What parts of history I'd change, and how the court of Henry VIII being comprised largely of werewolves would affect things.

Right off the bat, I'd get rid of Jane Seymour. No way werewolf Anne Boleyn would let that prissy little tramp wriggle her way into Henry's bed when she could just have her torn apart in a "hunting accident." I'd keep Katherine of Aragon. I toyed with having her die giving birth to Mary, but then you either have to get rid of the entire break with Rome, or find another reason for it happening. So instead I think Mary would be stillborn (maybe Katherine shapeshifted too much during the pregnancy? And so when Anne falls pregnant with Elizabeth, Henry is all OMFGNOSHAPESHIFTING FOR NINE MONTHS!!! and she's just laid up in bed getting more and more impatient and claustrophobic). So, anyway, Mary is stillborn, so Henry has a flap about not having an heir, and legitmises Henry Fitzroy, leaving the way clear for Bessie Blount to compete with Anne for the position of mistress, and ultimately queen. And with Henry the legitimate heir, Anne has to work that much harder to secure any kind of future for Elizabeth. No Jane Seymour means no Edward VI. No Mary means it's just Henry Fitzroy and Elizabeth competing for the heir position...

No Jane Seymour also means Anne probably wouldn't be executed, at least not in 1536. Maybe Henry's eye still wanders after all the miscarriages and stillborns, and he'd probably still take Katherine Howard as a mistress. I could cut out Anne of Cleves, but not Katherine Howard. I mean, she was an utter airhead who probably deserved to be executed, but she'd be a fun character to have around. And the idea of some smackdown between Anne and Henry over his giggly childish mistress is pretty appealing. I mean, eventually Anne would have to go, but I see her lasting a lot longer than she did in real life, and maybe even having another child.

Anyway, as for the rest of the country, I figure that whilst the royal and noble houses are mostly werewolves, the commoners, not so much. The first thing Henry VII did when he took the throne was implement a law to have common werewolf children drowned at birth. Means the chances of a bloody werewolf revolt against the new, unpopular king was less likely to happen. And it showed those pesky peasants who the boss was. So werewolves are pretty rare amongst the lower classes, and probably all end up being shipped off to monastaries or nunneries to hide them from the Wolf Finders, or something. I guess Henry VIII would be a bit less militant about it, because all he really wants to do is start fights with Francis I.

Anyway... I have no idea when I'm going to write this. But I feel I must!

[identity profile] dwg.livejournal.com 2010-05-28 12:55 pm (UTC)(link)
Though, they probably wouldn't be so down with deforestation for the armada. Course, then there's the question of the Inquisition and this is where my brain just goes LOL BORGIAS! But that's getting far too ahead of myself. But you're right, Europe would be self-destructing, but then that's when the Inquisition and witch hunts begin. PEASANTRY STRIKES BACK!

[identity profile] naomi-jay.livejournal.com 2010-05-28 01:00 pm (UTC)(link)
I know I shouldn't, but I heart the Borgias. God, imagine how much worse Rome would have been if Alexander VI was a werewolf. All those orgies in the Vatican would just be that much messier.

[identity profile] dwg.livejournal.com 2010-05-28 01:08 pm (UTC)(link)
I feel the same way! The Borgias certainly made things interesting. I keep giggling that if Alexander VI was a werewolf, Assassin's Creed II just got way more crackish. Specially in the wake of glowy aliens in the Vatican basement and the Pope's staff having magical powers.

[identity profile] naomi-jay.livejournal.com 2010-05-28 01:34 pm (UTC)(link)
O_o Why aren't I playing that game right now?!

[identity profile] dwg.livejournal.com 2010-05-28 02:29 pm (UTC)(link)
YOU SHOULD! Feudal Italy! Ezio stabs dudes a lot and is just like Batman only bitchier because he kills people! And has an epic bromance with Leonardo DaVinci! The Battle of the Vanities is DLC! Rodrigo Borgia is your arch nemesis so the final level is sneaking into the Vatican during mass -- and you have to sneak through a bunch of monks to avoid being detected -- and then you go into the Sistene Chapel, and I'm terribly fond of walking out on the plank above the pulpit and leaping down to stab Rodrigo in the neck. Because vast heights + killing dudes = WIN!

[identity profile] cherith.livejournal.com 2010-05-28 03:38 pm (UTC)(link)
Oi, spoilers. :) Still I wholeheartedly agree! Everyone should play AC II because it's amazing and beautiful and there's Borgias and Medicis and Leonardo da Vinci! (And oh! I need a AC II icon! *cries*)

[identity profile] dwg.livejournal.com 2010-05-28 04:02 pm (UTC)(link)
HUSH. YOU WILL SEE WHEN YOU GET THERE. There's...nothing I can really say to prepare you for that final boss fight.